


I Still Choose You

by AMidnightDreary



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Accidental Familiar Making, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Familiar Tony Stark, Familiars, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Loki (Marvel) Feels, M/M, Mutual Pining, Odin (Marvel)'s A+ Parenting, Soul Bond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-08-02 13:53:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16306418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AMidnightDreary/pseuds/AMidnightDreary
Summary: Creating a familiar is a complicated endeavor, but nothing Loki can't manage. He's one of the best mages in the Nine Realms, after all. And still, something goes wrong, and suddenly Loki's familiar is, well... Tony Stark.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey!
> 
> So, this is an idea that came to me pretty much out of nowhere. I hope you enjoy it. Let me know what you think! ^.^

Midgard wasn't a good place for sorcerers. That Loki knew, after almost a year of living here. There wasn't much magic in this realm's core, and the little there was was rather difficult to call on. Every practiced sorcerer or witch could use it, yes, but it was no wonder that Midgard was the realm with the smallest number of magic users. There were only a few who had learned to command what little their realm offered, and they were impressive in their own way, but nothing against what Loki was used to.

Loki was one of the few mages in the Nine Realms who didn't necessarily need to take power from the branches of Yggdrasil, since he had enough seidr himself. It made living on Midgard much easier, even though using his magic was slightly harder here than it had been on Asgard. Still, it was enough, at least for most of the spells he used.

But some required more energy than he could muster on his own, and tapping Yggdrasil was, well,  _annoying._  Loki had never enjoyed being dependent on anything, let alone anyone, and so he preferred to rely solely on himself. Or, if that wasn't enough, on expansions of himself; power sources that belonged to him and him alone and couldn't be of use to any other.

Some liked to call such vessels  _familiars._

His mother had, at least. Hers had been a bird, a fiery little thing from Vanaheim, and she had loved it dearly. It had died with her.

For Loki, familiars had never worked well. Most seidr users had at least one, nowadays, and of course he could see the attraction of having one – and had tried it himself, long ago – but in the end, he had always found that he was better off on his own. But now that he was stuck on Midgard, a familiar was more or less a necessity. Even some of the Midgardian mages, mostly witches, had one. Loki had to follow suit, no matter how little he liked it.

Usually, familiars found the mage. The most powerful ones did, anyway. But they could also be created, and that task had him scouring the nightly streets of New York for a cat.

Yes, a  _cat._  Not his first choice by far, but it wasn't like he had many other options. In the other realms, there were dozens of beings that could be used as familiars, enjoyed it even, but here on Midgard, the assortment was sparse. There were crows and ravens, but Loki would prefer literally anything else over those. (He'd always hated Hugin and Munin, Odin's familiars, and he didn't enjoy being reminded of them.) Dogs were pretty much useless, since they had not the slightest affinity for magic. A pity, given how loyal they were. Some other species apart from cats might work – lynxes or panthers, maybe, and wolves – but Loki needed something that wouldn't attract attention wherever he went.

A cat should be normal enough.

Loki didn't particularly like cats. They were fickle little beasts, most of the time, and fairly impossible to control. In fact, they weren't unlike him, so maybe it was a little hypocritical of him to complain about them, but still. Taking care of one would be  _exhausting._

It would be his familiar, though, so maybe that would make it a bit easier. He hoped that, at least.

He was following the threads of the spell he had woven through the streets of New York. It showed him the way to cats that came into question, but so far he'd dismissed every one of them. He wanted a young one; that would make both creating a familiar and disciplining the cat much easier. He ended up in a narrow side street in a rather filthy quarter of the city, where he found a cat with four – no, five, there was another one just coming out of hiding – kitten. The mother was feeding her young, but they seemed to be a few weeks old already. He crouched next to them, and just watched for a while.

His spell pointed at two of the kittens, but he had already decided that one was enough. One of them was a tomcat and had inherited his mother's light coat color, while the other one, a girl, had a pelt that looked black in the darkness. She was smaller than her siblings, but that didn't keep her from pushing them away to get at some milk. He let her drink in peace, and when she seemed to be done, he reached down and lifted her up to examine her. Her eyes were glowing as she stared back at him. He offered her a finger, and she promptly began to gnaw at it. Loki quirked a brow and wiggled his finger a little, watching her play with it.

His decision was quickly made.

The mother had been watching him with her head raised, but now her suspicion seemed to falter.

“I will take good care of her”, he promised her, and she blinked at him before returning her attention to her other children.

Loki stood up and wrapped his soon to be familiar into his coat, where she stayed, snuggled into his chest, all the way back to the tower. She seemed to like him already, and Loki found himself smiling.

(No, he didn't particularly like cats. But he wasn't heartless, either.)

 

o0o

 

His cat was a fierce little devil, and there was wasn't a moment in which she didn't have any whimsical ideas. A mischief maker; which shouldn't have been as surprising as it was, really. Loki had to follow her everywhere she went for the first days, in case she planned to destroy anything of his belongings or get herself stuck somewhere again. And after those first days,  _she_ followed him everywhere  _he_  went, as if she couldn't bear a moment of not being in his presence. She was sweet to him. Well, mostly. Except when she was either hungry or in the mood to tease him, which she happened to be most of the time. His hands and lower arms where littered with marks of her little teeth and claws by now.

Loki called her Ylvie.  _Little wolf._

The spell he needed to cast to turn her into his familiar was a complicated one, and it required a bond between the mage and the other – or rather, the will of the mage, or better yet of both, to be bonded for nothing less than a lifetime, and the ability of the prospective familiar to hold their magic.

For three weeks, Loki didn't leave his floor. He took care of Ylvie, getting to know her while she got to know him, and after those three weeks, Loki believed that this could work. And so he prepared everything – it wasn't much, actually; he just needed to draw energy from Yggdrasil, and that would take some time. He sat cross-legged on the floor of his bedroom, his eyes closed, and tried to concentrate while Ylvie clambered about on him. Currently, she was pulling at the laces of his tunic with his teeth.

Sighing, Loki opened one eye to squint down at her. “Do me a favour and sit down, would you?”

Slowly, Ylvie let go of his tunic and climbed into his lap, where she made herself comfortable and looked up at him out of blue eyes.

“Thank you”, Loki said, closing his eye again.

They sat there for hours. Ylvie watched and listened while Loki mumbled to himself, forgetting everything around him as he concentrated on the flow of his seidr. Midgard's was buried deep and hard to find, but he wasn't one of the most powerful sorcerers in the Nine Realms for nothing. He didn't even need to lure it out of hiding when he found it; it came to him. His own seidr accepted the magic of Midgard without much resistance, fitting into it almost seamlessly. Loki relished in it. There had been times, not that long ago, in which Yggdrasil would have rejected him. It had done so, more than once; had denied him the oldest magic there was and left him to be on his own – which was the reason Loki preferred to refrain from it, probably. But still, he had to admit that having that power inside of him was a rush, however foreign and virtuous it might be.

He needed to hold that power inside of him for some time, as compensation for the part of his own he would give away. His magic would restore itself, certainly, but the next few days would be strenuous, and he couldn't afford not being at his full power.

As soon as he had the power he needed, the rest wasn't hard. He had done it before, and creating a familiar didn't take him longer than a hour.

He had done something that was intrinsically against the very nature of every mage – he had cut off a part of his own magic and guided it into his familiar, where it would now take root and grow as it pleased, without Loki having much control over it. It would bind his familiar irrevocably to him, and him to his familiar. They would be able to draw energy and magic from another, to communicate over their bond in the oldest of ways – by thoughts and feelings, without much care for words – and even  _be_  each other, if need be. There was not much that could compare to the loyalty and devotion between a mage and their familiar. Every mage who had a familiar could consider themselves lucky, for they would never be completely alone. It was a bond that could only be ruined by death, and losing a familiar was one of the worst fates a mage could suffer.

(Loki had lost two, so long ago, and no matter what happened, he was not going to lose a third.)

Ylvie, who had waited with untypical patience, meowed in his lap, and Loki smiled. He could feel the very beginning of the bond that would only become stronger in the following years. It was a surprise how pleasant that feeling was; he'd forgotten all about that. He followed the newly created thread with caution and approached his familiar, who was there, right on the other side of their link, positively brimming with energy. There was some confusion, a little bit of fear, even – normal, Loki told himself; this had to be very new for him.

Abruptly, Loki opened his eyes.

_Him._

Loki felt his mouth growing dry, his heart speeding up in something awfully close to panic as his head began spinning, thoughts running wild. He stared down at Ylvie, who was still small and dark-grey and blue-eyed and definitely  _female_ ; who was still a cat and nothing more, and _not on the other side of the bond as she should be._

Loki had made a terrible mistake.

 

o0o

 

It had been Thor's idea, initially.

The first time he had told Odin about it, Loki had been  _furious._  But well, he hadn't had any alternatives, and in the end it had been Odin's decision, anyway. After the disaster with the Dark Elves, the oh so merciful Allfather had decided that a cell wasn't the right place for his second son –  _not his son_  – anymore, and wanted to have him pay for his crimes in other ways. Because no, of course those crimes had never been forgiven – why should they? – and Odin would have gladly put him into said cell again. But Loki  _had_  helped Thor, had saved his life, even, and with the well liked crown prince telling such tales wherever he went, locking Loki away again had hardly been an option. And so, when Thor had suggested to send Loki to Midgard, having him help the Avengers of all people, Odin had agreed.

Well. Odin had wanted to get rid of him, as simple as that. And Thor had known Loki had had enough of Asgard, so he had probably meant well. Still, Loki couldn't bring himself to be thankful, not even after almost a year had passed.

At least he had been more or less independent, right from the start. To Loki's own and everyone else's surprise, Tony Stark had offered to let him live in his tower. And, just to surprise himself and everyone else again, Loki had accepted. He had gotten his own floor no one entered without his permission, and was mostly left undisturbed. The Avengers hadn't called him to one of their missions so far, not even once, and Loki was the last to be bothered by that. They didn't trust him, had not the slightest reason to, and it was better that way. Now and then, he caused some mischief in New York, and they had to know it was him – at least he was sure that Stark knew, judging by the way the man looked at him sometimes – but since he hadn't done anything really  _bad_ , they had apparently decided to leave him be.

It was a calm life. Calm and just a little bit lonely, but Loki was used to loneliness and took to it well. He had time to work on his magic in peace, without being bothered by anyone, and didn't have any obligations. He could even travel, if he wanted, as long as he didn't leave Midgard. He had found that this realm wasn't as boring as he had expected it to be, and not all humans were dull.

Tony Stark certainly wasn't, at least.

Stark came to him at least once in two weeks. He was the only one Loki permitted entrance to his floor, mostly because he was the only one who had ever bothered to ask for it. He was the only visitor Loki had, and the reason for that had been clear from the beginning. It was Stark's tower, after all, and Stark's city, and he seemed to be the one the humans had chosen to keep track of Loki's steps. Or maybe Stark had volunteered; Loki didn't know and frankly didn't care. The inventor was pleasant enough company, and he didn't mind talking to him once in a while. Stark had even asked him about his magic, after the initial suspicion had wavered a little, and Loki didn't mind talking about that, either. Enjoyed it, even – it had been decades since anyone had shown interest in his skills, and he wasn't exactly a humble person. He liked the stunned wonder he could evoke in the mortal's eyes. Besides, Stark was quite brilliant himself, for a human, and he also seemed to have a penchant for mischief not unlike Loki's. Loki tolerated the man whenever he showed up, and then they would talk and banter for a while until Stark would leave again. Compliance visits, nothing more.

The last time Loki had seen Stark was before he'd taken Ylvie into his care. He had told Stark he'd be busy the next weeks and wouldn't want to be disturbed, and to Loki's surprise, Stark had just shrugged and declared his agreement. Not without a few teasing remarks that Loki had to be “up to something”, to be sure, but in the end he'd left Loki be without any real complaints. He hadn't even used the intercom to make sure Loki wasn't planning to burn down the tower or anything.

Ergo, Loki hadn't seen or talked to Stark in about a month.

And now the man was his familiar.

_Damn._

 

o0o

 

After the first flash of panic had subsided, Loki knew he had to find Stark and... well,  _do something._  He couldn't just ignore what he had done. Pretending it had never happened was not an option. Shouldn't be an option. He should find a way to reverse the spell and make Ylvie his familiar, just like he had planned, but he didn't know how.His magic revolted at the mere thought – because, if creating a familiar was against its nature, than  _divesting_ of one even more so. Loki would never be able to just cut the connection between them. He didn't even know how it had happened in the first place. He had never lost control of his seidr like that. It was as if his magic itself had  _chosen_  Stark over Ylvie, and Loki hadn't even noticed until it had been too late. He knew what that meant, of course, but he avoided thinking about it. In fact, he avoided thinking about everything, because he was at a complete loss what to do.

He ended up hiding in his rooms for four more days.

He didn't touch their bond again. He gave his best to ignore it, really, and sealed his end of the line so Stark wouldn't be able to contact him, not even by accident. He couldn't say if Stark really had noticed anything. Actually, the human shouldn't be able to, because he was exactly that – human. It shouldn't even be possible for him to be a familiar; he shouldn't be able to hold a part of Loki's magic and just... be fine with that. Norns, most Midgardians were even less affine to magic than  _dogs_.

The thing was, Loki couldn't say for sure whether Stark was fine or not. And that shouldn't worry him as much as it did, but at the same time it should, because  _Stark was now his familiar._

Norns help him, he was doomed.

 

o0o

 

Loki left his floor on the fifth day and, for the first time, rode up to Stark's private floor. They were alone at this part of the tower at the moment, since none of Stark's teammates were currently here – the soldier and the two agents seemed to have some problems with their organization, the creature mostly kept to itself, anyway, and Thor was either in Asgard or with his little mortal. Stark's woman wasn't here anymore, either, even though she had been when Loki had moved in a year ago. He'd never bothered asking about that before.

JARVIS didn't ask any questions when Loki requested seeing Stark. He just guided Loki to the kitchen on Stark's private floor, where the man was busy dicing some midgardian fruit. He looked over his shoulder as soon as Loki hesitantly entered the room.

“I think this is the first time you left your floor to come and see me”, Stark said lightly, eyes flickering over Loki's frame for a moment before he continued cutting the fruit. “Should I be worried about anything?”

“I shall leave that decision to you”, Loki replied, already expecting Stark to batter him with questions like he sometimes did. But the man just snorted and threw the diced fruit into a device Loki wasn't familiar with. Loki watched, searching for a sign that something was different about Stark – he knew there was, after all, he could feel the echo of his own magic in this mortal man. He just wasn't sure if Stark felt it, too.

“I'm making a smoothie. That's Dum-E's work, usually, but I made him stand in the corner 'cause he won't keep his claws away from the fire extinguisher.” Stark walked over to the fridge and took some juice out of it, kicking the door shut when he turned around to Loki again. “You want some, too? Should be enough, I think. Do you even know what a smoothie is?”

“Of course”, Loki said, even though he'd barely listened. He was too busy being nervous and trying not to show it.

“You okay? You look as if you've seen a ghost or something.” Stark chuckled, pouring some juice into the device. “What did you do, huh? Pulled another prank on Clint, maybe?”

“No”, Loki said, suppressing a sigh. “No, I came to -”

He was interrupted by a rather insistent  _meow_ that came from somewhere around his feet, and he and Stark both looked down in surprise. Loki felt his eyes go wide when he saw Ylvie looking up to him. Hel, he was so used to her following him everywhere that he hadn't even really noticed she had left their floor with him.

“And who's that?”, Stark asked after a moment of silence, watching as the small cat began exploring the kitchen.

“A cat”, Loki answered, looking back at Stark again.

The human quirked a brow, amusement dancing in his eyes. “I can see that. Yours?”

Loki cleared his throat. “Yes. Mine. I – She is...”

He trailed off when Stark crouched and reached for Ylvie, who promptly greeted him by bumping her tiny head into his hand. Stark made a cooing sound and smiled, and Loki just stared.

“That's what you've been up to the last weeks, then?”, Stark said after a moment of petting Ylvie, looking up at Loki again. “Didn't expect that, really. What's her name?”

Loki swallowed. “Ylvie.”

“Hey, Ylvie”, Stark said to the cat, allowing her to nibble at his finger. “God, she's cute. Do you need anything for her? Like, food or something?”

“JARVIS ordered everything I needed”, Loki said slowly. “I thought you knew.”

“Uh, no.” Stark picked Ylvie up and stood, grinning widely as the cat scrambled to his shoulder, where she sat and looked around. Probably looking for something she could do some mischief with. “Jay doesn't keep me updated on everything you do, you know. He'd just tell me if you did something alarming.” He shrugged, grinning at Loki instead of Ylvie now. “And sometimes not even then, because he's a little shit and a fan of your pranks.”

“ _I am not, sir_ ”, JARVIS himself chimed in, sounding playful. “ _I am merely a supporter of creativity and wit._ ”

“Sure thing, buddy”, Stark said with a laugh. Directed To Loki he added, “he literally praised you for the cupid's arrows.”

“ _The little pink hearts were a wonderful idea, Loki_ ”, the AI confirmed. “ _I have quite a few recordings of Agent Barton's reactions to them. They are rather amusing._ ”

Loki was smirking now, only a little. “Thank you, JARVIS.”

“Okay, you two are one of the worst possible team-ups I can imagine. Far too much power, really.” Stark chuckled and put Ylvie down again. “So, anyway, is there a reason you have a cat now?”

“Must there be one?”, Loki countered, feeling his smile falter again.

Norns, he  _dreaded_  this conversation. He was overcome by the sudden urge to flee back to his floor and hide from Stark again, but he couldn't bring himself to leave. Stark was still smiling at him, and, norns, the bond between them was so new. All at once there was nothing Loki wanted more than to see it grow in time, and to spend that time with his -

 _Stark._  A man, an actual mortal man, with a mass of his own thoughts and feelings that couldn't even be compared to those of a cat. He wasn't just the vessel Loki had wanted, and he would never be the companion Loki  _still_  wanted – He would be furious when he heard what Loki had done to him.

“Dunno”, Stark said, apparently unaware of Loki's inner turmoil. “I mean – no, I guess. Not really my business, huh?”

Loki shifted a little on his feet, only barely managing to keep from fidgeting too much. Stark was watching him, and he probably knew that something about Loki's behaviour was off – he wasn't stupid, after all. Loki took a few seconds to summon up the courage to get the words he needed to say out of his head. It seemed pathetic, probably, but at least he managed to hold Stark's gaze.

“I needed a familiar”, he said, nodding at Ylvie. “That is why I got her.”

Stark blinked at him, apparently clueless. “A familiar?”

“Yes. You, ah... You might not be acquainted with the... concept.”

“No”, Stark said, sounding pensive. “No, I don't think so. Some kind of magical thing?”

Loki licked his lips and nodded, cringing inwardly. Norns, this was horrible. He reached down and picked Ylvie up when she meowed at his feet, and took that as an excuse to avoid meeting Stark's eyes.

“Okay, uh – is that why you're here? To tell me about that?”

Loki forced himself to look at Stark again and gave another nod.

“Great”, Stark said, smiling. He looked interested now, just as he always did when Loki's magic was mentioned. “So, do you want a smoothie now or not?”

Loki sighed. “Yes, thank you.”

“Wait, really?”

“I just said so, did I not?”

“Yes, sure. What about Ylvie?”

“She is too young for smoothies, Stark.”

“How do you know that? I think she'd love them. What do little cats eat, anyway? I can make a special one for her, she looks hungry.”

“She just ate, actually.”

“Shut up, I'm making a smoothie for your kitten now. JARVIS, help me.”

“ _Right away, sir._ ”

Somehow, Loki had the feeling that taking care of Stark would be even more difficult than taking care of a cat.


	2. Chapter 2

Loki didn't tell him.

They sat on the sofa and talked, and Loki answered every question Stark had about familiars, but he  _did not tell him._  He just didn't know how. He'd never been good at speaking openly about things that made him uncomfortable. But Stark was his familiar, and Loki shouldn't be dishonest to him. He  _couldn't_ , didn't even really want to, because there would be a time in which Stark would understand and know him better than anyone else, and they needed to trust each other. Loki had to begin with that now, otherwise Stark would find out what had happened on his own, and who knew what that disaster would look like. Loki really should tell him before it was too late.

He just found himself unable to. He couldn't get the words out, even though they were already tumbling around in his head and sitting on his tongue. He cursed himself for his cowardice. His behaviour was ridiculous, but norns, he was horrified.

He'd never heard of a familiar resenting their mage. Familiars couldn't even be created if they didn't want it; the spell was too powerful and ultimate to be misused like that. So everything Loki knew about magic – and he knew a lot – told him that this couldn't have happened against Stark's will. He knew that wasn't possible. But well, he had also thought that it was impossible for humans to be familiars, and now here he was, drinking  _smoothies_  with his  _very_  human familiar. And so he couldn't stop wondering, couldn't stop thinking – what would happen if Stark didn't want him?

Ridiculous, all of it.

He didn't want Stark. He'd never wanted him to be his familiar,  _never_. It had been an accident, nothing more. He didn't even particularly  _like_ the man – at least not enough to spend his whole life with him. But still, imagining Stark would reject him as soon as he knew of their bond was enough to make him sick. He knew that was the only possible outcome, and he couldn't even stand thinking about it.

(He remembered the pain of a shattered bond, and he feared it. He  _feared_  it.)

Loki looked at Stark, watched how he petted Ylvie and fed her the strange drink he'd made for her and thought about familiars, not knowing that he himself  _was_  one.

“So, a familiar is like some sort of battery, yes?”, Stark asked, looking down at Loki's cat. “You can draw energy from her?”

“And she from me, yes”, Loki answered, going along with the lie of Ylvie being his familiar. His voice wasn't as smooth as usual, at least it felt like it wasn't – his thoughts were more or less a mess, and even though it didn't happen often that he had difficulties articulating himself, now he felt as if the only words he knew were inept and ungainly. “It's an exchange. In time, my magic will become hers, and she will learn to use it in her own way. We will both be able to resort to more energy than we could muster on our own.”

“And you can just pour your magic into her like that? That doesn't harm her or anything?”

Loki shook his head. “No. Well, it might take some getting used to, but the bond is still fresh. It probably isn't even noticeable yet, for her. She will grow into it.”

Ylvie left Stark's lap to climb into Loki's, where she made herself comfortable. Loki ran his fingers through her pelt and smirked at her. She began tugging at his pants with her teeth. He reached for her automatically, so used to keeping her from tattering his clothes that he didn't even have to think about it.

“She adores you”, Stark said, causing Loki to look up again. “Does that come with the whole familiar thing?”

“Not necessarily. But it was likely, I assume.” Loki swallowed and averted his eyes again. “I did not force her into this. She was... compatible. Similar. A mage and their familiar, they are... They understand each other.” Loki smiled a little, stroking Ylvie's little head. “A familiar is a companion, first and foremost. A mage will never find a better or more loyal friend, and it is the same the other way around. They would do anything to be with and protect each other.”

“Sounds nice.”

Loki glanced at Stark, but wasn't able to hold his gaze. Stark was looking at him not unfriendly, although a bit oddly. (Loki had to tell himself again that the inventor wasn't stupid. He had to stop being so  _obvious._ ) He could feel his magic humming inside of the other man, thriving on the time they spent together, and now and then he could see Stark shifting almost uncomfortably, his brows drawn together as if he knew something wasn't quite right. Whenever Loki witnessed that, he was close to open his mouth and tell him, but then the moment was already over, and Stark smiled at Ylvie – or maybe at Loki – again, and all in all it was so easy, talking to him.

So... No. Better not tell him yet.

 

o0o

 

Four months, one week and two days.

That was exactly how long Stark needed to figure out that something was wrong.

It had been nice four months, all things considered. Calm, and not that lonely anymore, which was mostly due to the fact that staying away from each other was very nearly impossible. It was normal, Loki told himself – the pull of a newly formed and growing bond between a mage and their familiar was always strong, close to irresistible for both. That was the reason they had taken to spend several hours a day with each other; not always talking, sometimes just sitting in the same room and occupying themselves. That was the reason they felt more at peace when they were together than when they were alone, because their bond wanted and needed them to be together. That was also the reason – the only reason – why Stark was alwayson Loki's mind, and why he could barely think clearly when the human was around.

Their bond was to blame for that.

Certainly.

Anyway – Loki still hadn't told Stark about said bond. But that didn't keep Stark from  _realizing_  it was there.

The man had been behaving a bit oddly the last few days; looking at Loki with eyes that seemed a bit unsteady, and frowning more than he usually did. He'd also been making less jokes, and the fact that Stark had become quiet was what worried Loki the most. Stark barely stopped talking, usually. Loki could guess the reason for the man's behaviour, of course, and it very nearly scared him to death, but not enough to talk to him about it. He hadn't known how to broach the topic. It seemed that he didn't have to, in the end.

Loki was on his floor, reading on the sofa, when JARVIS told him that Stark wanted to join him. Loki just nodded absently, knowing it would be enough for the AI to pick up, and didn't look up from his book when the faint  _ping_  of the elevator announced Stark's arrival. He did look up when the human entered, though, and greeted him with a smile that promptly vanished when he saw Stark's expression.

“Is something wrong?”, he asked, his eyes fixed on Stark as the man walked over to the sofa to sit down next to him. As far away from him as possible, Loki noted, but he didn't comment on that. He never did.

“I think we should talk”, Stark said, looking at him. He didn't seem particularly angry, more confused, and the look in his eyes was careful and attentive.

“About what?”

“I'm not sure.”

Ylvie came to greet Stark, and the inventor bent down to lift her onto his lap. She had grown quite a bit, but she was still thin and small. Always would be, probably. Her pelt was the disarrayed, dark grey mess it always was – she wouldn't let Loki brush it –, but that didn't keep Stark from always telling her she was the prettiest cat he'd ever seen. She adored him, too, by now.

“Well, I'm listening”, Loki prompted, closing his book and setting it aside.

Stark blurted the words out; as if he'd waited too long to say them and just couldn't keep them inside anymore.

“You did something. I'm not sure what or why or how, but I know you did something. To me, to us, I've no idea, maybe it's one of your pranks or anything, but it has to stop now. Because this isn't – this isn't normal, okay? I just spent the whole day waiting to get here, to you. I can't think of anything else, and it's messing with my head.” Stark took a breath, but stopped speaking only for the split of a second. “Also, I know you're getting nervous right now and it's strange because you don't really show it, you never do, but I still  _know_ , just like I know when you're in a bad mood even though I haven't even seen you – like, I wake up on some days and think  _oh, Loki has a bad day, let's go and cheer him up_ , and I'm not sure where those thoughts are coming from and they're freaking me out, so if you're messing with me you should -”

“I am not messing with you”, Loki interrupted the other man, putting an end to his rambling. “It's no prank, either.”

Stark stared at him, his face strangely blank. Ylvie jumped off his lap and toddled over to Loki to be petted, but the human didn't seem to notice it. “What did you do?”

“Nothing harmful”, Loki said, maybe a little bit too quickly.

“Loki”, Stark pressed, tone urgent, “ _what_ did you  _do?_ ”

Loki shot him an irritated look, a sharp rebuttal already on his tongue, but he pressed his lips together and bit down on it. A few seconds passed before he finally opened his mouth.

“I -”, he began, but he cut himself off, not knowing how to finish the sentence. He cleared his throat and shifted his weight, trying to sort his thoughts. His mouth was dry and his palms were sweating slightly – he was  _afraid_ , and hated himself for it. After a far too long moment of hesitation, he pulled himself together and asked, “Do you remember our conversation about familiars?”

Stark blinked, apparently taken aback. His surprised expression quickly changed into a confused frown before he slowly nodded. “Yeah, sure.”

“I might have been... not entirely honest to you”, Loki admitted reluctantly.

“That was months ago”, Stark replied, baffled. “Wait, was – was that why you came to me in the first place?”

Loki exhaled audibly and nodded, not quite meeting Stark's eyes. “Yes. I meant to tell you, but I – I couldn't.”

“Okay. Okay, whatever, tell me now.”

Loki looked up and narrowed his eyes, knowing that he didn't really have a choice anymore. “Fine”, he said grimly.

“So? Spit it out, Lokes.”

Loki's gaze searched Ylvie, who had jumped off the sofa – probably sulky because he hadn't petted her – and was now playing with a little toy mouse Stark had bought for her. “Ylvie is not my familiar”, he said, keeping his voice even. He didn't say anything else, but Stark filled the rather loaded silence after a moment.

“But I thought you got her because of that.”

“I did. I wanted her to be it. I cast the spell, but I – I made a mistake. I didn't want this to happen. It was an accident, and I cannot-”

“Oh my god”, Stark said, and Loki bit on his tongue and decided to stop talking. Stark stared at him, eyes wide and lips moving as if he wanted to say something but couldn't get the words out. When he finally said something, he sounded absolutely bewildered. “You're not – You can't be serious. Me? You made  _me_  your  _familiar_?”

“It was not intentional”, Loki said, only a weak try to defend himself.

“Oh my god”, Stark said again, and then he stood up, apparently not able to sit still anymore. He didn't go anywhere, though, just kept looking at Loki. “Is that why I want to be with you, like, all the time?”, he asked, and for the life of him, Loki couldn't interpret his tone. There was an odd note to it, and Loki had no idea what it meant. “And that I know what you're feeling and thinking now and then, that's – that's that damn  _bond_  you mentioned, yes?”

“Yes, but I sealed it. You should not even be able to use it.”

“Well, seems that I am”, Stark countered, and then something seemed to cross his mind – something he apparently didn't like at all. “Can you – you  _can_ use it, can't you?”

“Yes”, Loki said, and when Stark didn't seem to like that answer  _at all_ , he hurried to add, “in theory, yes, but I have never reached for you.” And that was a lie, so Loki inhaled and rowed back, “well, one time, in the beginning. But only briefly, and just that once.”

For a moment, Stark didn't reply, didn't even react, his wide eyes fixed on Loki. He seemed petrified, and Loki wanted to curl himself together and hide somewhere Stark couldn't find him. He'd feared this very moment for four months now, and he wasn't sure he could stand living through it.

“A few days before you came up with Ylvie”, Stark said suddenly, voice too even, “I blacked out in my lab.” Loki felt his own eyes go wide before he could keep himself from reacting, and he saw that Stark had noticed it. The human's tone was a lot less calm when he continued speaking. “I blamed it on a lack of sleep or something, wouldn't be the first time that happened, but – that wasn't it, right? That was  _you._ ”

There was an accusation in those words, in that tone, and hearing it made Loki sick – and angry. He averted his eyes, his whole body going rigid while he tried to control himself. Stark didn't say anything, apparently waiting for  _Loki_  to say something, so Loki eventually forced himself to speak.

“I did not harm you”, he said, his voice gravel. “This is not going to be dangerous for you, not in any way. I know I had no right to do this without your permission, but I didn't do it deliberately. I cannot say how it happened.”

“You just -” Stark broke himself off and took a controlled breath, obviously also trying to stay calm. “You made me your familiar. By accident.”

Loki grit his teeth and nodded.

“I'm not a cat, Loki.”

“Oh, you aren't? Why, I thought -”

“ _Loki_ ”, Stark interrupted him, apparently not in the mood for Loki's sarcasm. “How can you – turn a man, a  _human_ , into a fucking magical  _battery_? How's that even -”

“A familiar is more than that”, Loki said, eyes snapping back to the other man. “I explained that to you. Not just a  _battery_ , a -”

“A friend?” Stark huffed, gesturing around between them. “Is that what we are? You didn't even want this!”

“So we are not friends, then?”

That rendered Stark speechless, but only for a few seconds. Then, he pressed his lips together and shook his head. “This isn't about us being friends or not”, he said, tone unusually serious. “This is about you making me into your goddamn  _pet._ ”

“You are  _not_  my pet”, Loki spat, finally standing up as well. He had to fight to keep from shouting. “You have a part of my magic, of my very  _core_ inside of you, you utter fool! A spell like that cannot be forced on anybody. I assume that being bonded to  _me_  for the rest of your life must be a truly horrible prospect for you, and I certainly did not intend this to happen, either, but -”

“Wait, no, hang on there”, Stark spoke over him, “the rest of my life? Did you just say that?”

Loki held the other man's gaze, even though he knew that this would end him. “Yes.”

“Okay, so you – you can't reverse this”, Stark stated, and the anger in his voice made Loki's stomach turn over. His own anger vanished, suddenly, and all it left was bitter resignation.

“I won't”, he said flatly.

“But you could?”

“I  _won't_ ”, Loki repeated sharply, and then he turned away from Stark. “Leave.”

“What?”

“ _Leave_.”

“Oh no, Loki, this isn't – we gotta -”

“Leave, Stark, or I'll make you.”

Stark huffed a joyless laugh. “What, you gonna throw me out of a window again?”

“If I must.”

Silence, for a while. Loki still refused to look at Stark, but after a few minutes he heard steps, and then the doors of the elevator, and his familiar was gone.

Loki clenched his hands into fists, and the sofa was knocked over.

 

o0o

 

Six days later, his familiar died.

They hadn't spoken to each other in those six days. Loki had stayed on his floor, most of the time refusing to even  _think_  about Stark. It had gotten harder and harder not to, though, because the pull of their bond became stronger with every hour they were apart. Loki assumed that Stark could feel that, too, now that he knew of their link. But he hadn't come to see him. Not even JARVIS had talked to him, and so Ylvie had been Loki's only company. He had kept the bond between him and Stark sealed, hoping that it wouldn't allow Stark to learn more about Loki's mood than the occasional scraps he seemed to have gotten before. Loki didn't reach out for him, either.

He should have. He wished he had.

Loki didn't know what had happened. He couldn't even say where they were, and frankly he couldn't care less for things like that. There was still noise around them; the clamor of a fight, and the Avengers shouting words he didn't care about. His brother was there, too, but he had blocked them all out.

He was knocking at the chest plate of the suit. He'd tried to simply tear it off, but Stark's armor was sturdy, and Loki didn't dare to use more of his strength, fearing to hurt his familiar even more.

“JARVIS?”, he asked, his tone bordering on frantic, “open. I need to – JARVIS,  _now._ ”

The suit opened and revealed Stark's whole body. Loki's hands were on the human's chest immediately, grasping the undersuit, searching for a heartbeat. The arc reactor was still glowing, which struck Loki as a good sign, but his heart -

Loki had felt the pain. He'd felt the shock, and the fear, and  _everything_. Stark had been hit by something – Loki didn't know by what, but he did know that he would make the responsible one  _pay_ – and then he'd fallen. He wasn't dead, not yet, but norns, it had felt like he was. It still did. The panic rushing through Loki's veins was blinding, and he had no idea how he'd managed to teleport to Stark, but somehow it had worked.

Loki was no healer. His mother had tried to teach him, but he didn't have any talent whatsoever for this particular branch of magic. He could heal himself well enough, yes, but others? No.

His familiar wasn't someone else, though. Not entirely.

Their bond had cracked open in the moment Stark had hit the ground. Why, Loki couldn't exactly tell – maybe it had been instinct; when in danger, most familiars' first impulse was to call for their mage, just like every mage would call for his familiar. Or maybe the bond had just already been strong enough for Loki to feel that something was wrong – and he'd certainly felt that, hel, he was still in agony -, or perhaps it had been close to breaking because Stark had been close to dying. Just thinking about that made it impossible to breathe. Loki tried to clear his mind and make room for what he had to do.

With the now unsealed link between them, it was easy to pour more of his magic into Stark. The human's body adapted to it surprisingly well, apparently already used to the feel of it. In the end, Stark did most of the work himself; also by instinct, probably. It made Loki think for the first time that having Stark as a familiar might not only be nice, but  _useful._  The only thing he had to do was guide his – their – magic to where it was needed. He did so in deep concentration, not noticing anything else around him, with his heart beating so fast and fiercely in his chest that he feared it might burst.

It didn't, thankfully, or at least it persevered until Stark opened his eyes.

“You are the greatest, most reckless fool I have  _ever_  encountered”, Loki greeted his familiar with a hiss, glaring down at the still injured man. He kept his hands on Stark's chest, feeling their magic swirl beneath the skin and reassuring himself that his human's heart was beating.

Stark stared at him, and by his look he had not the slightest idea what was going on. He wanted to move, but Loki pushed him down again and shot him a warning look. “Lie still,  _idiot._  You're still healing.”

Stark opened his mouth, but he didn't say anything. His eyes were a bit glassy and he had to be exhausted and sore, but he was awake. Awake, and  _alive_. Not dying. He was probably overwhelmed – this was the first time he actually felt their bond, and Loki would be surprised if he'd ever felt something similar before. Loki couldn't tell how much Stark was able to pick up, but judging by his stunned expression it was quite a bit. It had to be easy to read Loki's mood right now, too, given the fact that his nerves were completely frayed.

“Hi”, Stark rasped eventually, looking at Loki as if he was seeing him for the very first time.

“Do that again”, Loki replied, “and I will end you.”

Stark blinked at him in confusion, but he still gave a small nod. “'Kay.”

Loki huffed, and then hurried to get his familiar out of harm's way.

 

o0o

 

Two days after that, Loki sat on the floor in his living room, leaning against the back of the sofa. He was fiddling around with one of Ylvie's toys, lost in thoughts, when he heard the sound of the elevator announcing the arrival of a visitor. It could only be one person, really. JARVIS hadn't asked for Loki's permission like he usually did, so he probably wasn't even given the choice anymore. He swallowed down his anger about that and stayed where he was, waiting for Stark to come to him.

Loki had brought Stark to the floor in his tower where the Avengers' injuries were always treated, but had retreated to his own floor as soon as he'd been sure Stark would completely recover. Now, the human looked better than the last time Loki had seen him. It seemed that their magic did him good. He also didn't have any troubles walking, which Loki noted with relief and satisfaction, since Stark's legs had been injured the worst. Their eyes locked as Stark walked over to him, and Loki felt himself getting nervous. He had sealed his end of their bond again and didn't dare using it to detect Stark's mood. He didn't look angry, actually, more – and Loki had not expected to ever say that of Tony Stark – insecure, but Loki wasn't sure whether that was a good sign or not.

“Is there a reason you're sitting on the floor?”, Stark asked in lieu of greeting, coming to stand in front of Loki.

“I was playing with Ylvie, but she ran off.”

Stark nodded, and after a moment of hesitation he sat down next to Loki, mirroring the god's position. “Why didn't you come back?”, he asked a little bit too lightly.

Loki turned his head to look at the man. “Come back?”

“Yeah. They didn't let me out of the hospital wing until like, two hours ago. Could've used some company.”

“I assumed I wouldn't be welcome”, Loki answered slowly, frowning.

Stark snorted, staring at his knees instead of looking at Loki. “You saved my ass”, he said, “of course you would've been welcome.”

“I... was thinking more of the rest of your team, actually. They aren't very partial to me, in case you haven't noticed.”

The human shrugged. “They simply have to deal, then.”

Stark said that as if he didn't really care about what his Avengers thought, but Loki doubted that was true. And yet Stark was taking  _his_  side here, and that was enough to make Loki smile a little. Not for very long, though, because Stark still wasn't looking at him and Loki still couldn't tell what exactly was going on in his familiar's head.

“Do they know?”, he asked eventually, sounding more hesitant than he would have liked.

“Bruce and Steve, yes. They aren't happy, but it's not like they're ever happy about anything I do.” Stark laughed a little, but became serious again rather quickly. “Haven't told the others yet. Thor knows something's up, though. I told him I wanted to speak with you first to, you know, clear things between us.” He cleared his throat, lifting his shoulders.

“I suppose he isn't happy, either.”

“Maybe he won't be when we tell him what happened, but right now he's just worried, I think. I'm sure he's gonna question you as soon as he gets the chance.”

“Well, I do love having something to look forward to”, Loki said dryly, and Stark laughed again.

They sat in silence for a while. Loki watched Stark's face closely, searching for a sign of real discomfort, but he didn't find anything except maybe slight nervousness. He wondered what it was they were doing here – just pretending their fight had never happened? He wasn't really against that, actually, but Stark's earlier words had implied that the human did want to talk about it. Not for the first time in Stark's presence, Loki didn't know what to say, and so he just waited until the other man spoke up again.

“I'm sorry I freaked out”, he said. “I know you didn't do this whole familiar thing on purpose, but it – it's so strange, for me. I'm just a human, not a... a wizard, or something. I've no clue of this whole magic stuff.”

“You are not  _just_  a human”, Loki said immediately. It made Stark look at him –  _finally_  – and after seeing the man's skeptical expression, Loki added, “I mean it. You would not be able to hold my magic if you were. Humans cannot do that, usually.”

“Duh, Loki. I  _am_ human.”

“I know, but still.” Loki smiled faintly and lifted his hand, pointing at the device in Stark's chest, careful not to touch it. “Here. This is to blame for this whole affair, I think.”

“The arc reactor?” Stark's hand immediately flew up to his chest to touch it. “How's that?”

“It's an energy source, yes?”, Loki asked, and Stark nodded. “Magic  _is_  energy. I think your device is able to absorb it. That happened before, if you remember?”

“The glow stick of destiny”, Stark recited, making Loki grin. Stark seemed to think, his fingers absentmindedly tapping his reactor. “Huh. Okay. So – to be clear, a part of your magic is... in here? In me?”

“Yes. You might not be able to feel and use it yet, but you will be, in time.”

Stark looked at him, brows raised. “Wait, so I  _am_  a wizard now?”

“Not quite. The magic inside of you is not entirely your own, even though you can learn to command it as such. You share it with me, and so it is likely that you also share some of my skills. I can teach you, if you like, and we will see what you can or cannot do.”

For a moment, Stark just gaped at him, and then he slowly shook his head. “I think this is the weirdest thing that's ever happened to me.”

It didn't sound apprehensive, not really, but Loki still cringed a little. Tensing up, he averted his eyes. “I will not reverse it”, he said decidedly. “We will be able to go separate ways in a few months, so you don't have to stay with me if that is not what you wish, but I won't reverse it.”

There was a pause, and when Stark spoke he sounded tentative. “What are you so afraid of?”

Loki's eyes snapped back to the human to glare at him. “I'm not afraid.”

Stark seemed pretty unimpressed. “Bullshit, Lokes. You're practically dripping with it. I can -”, he tapped his chest, frowning, “I can feel it. I think.”

Loki pressed his lips together and looked away again, drawing up his knees. Sealing his end of the bond again took him only a thought, but sometimes the wall he built to keep Stark out became porous. He should know better than to lose control like that.

“Hey, did you – did you just shut me out?”

Loki looked back at Stark, who returned his gaze with narrowed eyes.

“That's so not fair. You can control that?”

“Of course I can.”

“Okay, you're going to teach me that. Definitely. But first I want an answer to my question.”

“It's none of your business, Stark.”

“Tony.”

“What?”

“Call me Tony”, Stark said, causing Loki to gape at him. The human didn't seem to be bothered by that; he just kept on talking. “Look, if you don't want to talk about it, it's fine. Really. Just – it'd be nice if you would. It's making me nervous.”

Loki frowned at him. “What is making you nervous?”

“Stark rolled his eyes. “You, sunshine.”

Loki's frown deepened, and suddenly Stark seemed to get a little uncomfortable. He shifted and shrugged, and spoke only reluctantly.

“You're upset. I don't like that.”

Oh.

Loki cleared his throat and looked at his knees. “That might be the bond”, he murmured. “Maybe it helps to know that I... I don't like it when you're upset, either.”

“That does help, actually”, Stark replied, bumping his shoulder into Loki's. “So?”

Loki couldn't do anything but stare at him. He was used to Stark behaving oddly – he  _was_ an odd human -, and by now Loki said of himself that he knew the man quite well, but sometimes Stark still managed to baffle him.

It had been so long since someone cared like that.

Of course, Stark was his familiar. You couldn't  _not_ feel with someone when you literally felt what they felt. Loki could tell that their bond was strong – or could become so, with enough time. Keeping it partly sealed like Loki had done these first months, and was doing again now, was unusual and not really furthering its strength, but it seemed that it was steadier than Loki had thought. Otherwise Stark wouldn't worry about him like he apparently did.

Loki didn't want him to worry. He also didn't want to talk about his troubles, but if anyone had a right to know about them, it was Stark. It should be the most natural thing for a mage to tell their familiars about their problems. And Loki wanted that – wanted to rely on the simple fact that Stark was his familiar and as such the one he could trust the most. But Stark had said it himself; he didn't know anything about magic, and so Loki couldn't tell if the rules he knew even applied in their case. He and Stark had never spoken about really personal things, had always steered around dark pasts and memories. Loki liked the human, yes – a little bit too much, perhaps – but that didn't mean he dared to trust him.

But in the end it didn't matter what he dared or didn't dare to do. Because Stark  _was_  his familiar, and Loki wanted him. He'd realized that when he had felt the human fall, when he'd been overwhelmed by the sudden fear to actually lose the damn mortal. He couldn't bear that, and not just because he had sworn to himself that he would never lose another familiar, but because it was Stark. Loki had gotten too fond of the inventor's mind and quirks and smiles. He was too used to having him around several hours a day, to just be in the presence of someone who might truly, genuinely  _like_  him. Someone who knew him and still didn't judge, someone – someone similar.  _Familiar._

So, no, that wasn't quite the familiar Loki had wanted, and maybe the usual rules didn't really apply to them, but what did that matter? Loki had never cared much about rules, anyway.

And Stark cared about him.

Loki swallowed thickly, and forced himself to tell the truth.

“You are not my first familiar. I had... two, before you.” He glanced at Stark, but didn't quite manage to hold his gaze. “The first I met when I was still very young. I used to roam around the woods of Asgard and do my magic practices there. One day, I found a wolf cub – or he found me, probably. His mother had been killed by a bilgesnipe.”

“A what?”

“A big, gory animal I hope you will never encounter.”

“Ah.”

“I called him Fenris and took him to the palace”, Loki continued, “where I pestered Odin long enough that he allowed me to keep him. After a few weeks it became clear that he was my familiar.”

“You didn't, uh – create him?”, Stark asked, and Loki shook his head.

“Some mages are lucky enough to have a true familiar.” That didn't seem to mean anything to Stark, so Loki added, “A being they are... made for, you could say. A bond like that does not need to be fabricated, it's natural. Fenris was that for me.”

Stark's expression immediately darkened, and he moved a bit closer. Their sides were touching now, and Loki found himself being soothed by the warmth of Stark's body next to him. His next words came out a little less forced, even though the sharp pain the memories evoked didn't falter.

“We both grew older, and Fenris became strong and tall, bigger than any wolf I knew. Thor had to look up to him, in the end.” That memory almost made him chuckle, but the sound died quickly on his lips. “He was intelligent and spirited, and also quickly angered. From the very first day on, he revealed everything I carefully bottled up and hid. He didn't take kindly to being taunted, and we were taunted quite a bit.”

Loki took a deep breath; the rest of the story was painful to tell, painful to recall, and he hadn't ever spoken to anyone about it before. He remembered the day clearly – he'd still been so very young, still a child by Asgard's standards, and he had known  _nothing._

“Thor and his friends were all older than me”, he said, forcing his voice to stay even. “But Thor and I could barely be separated, so we, Fenris and me, were always allowed to spar with them. One day, one of Thor's friends, Tyr, said something about my magic. I didn't even hear it, but Thor had and told me later.” Loki's mouth twisted into a smile. “I would have challenged Tyr to a duel for what he said, but I didn't get the chance. Fenris attacked him and divested him off his right hand before I could hold him back. He would have killed him, I think, if I hadn't stopped him in time.” Loki paused, fingers fidgeting with the fabric of his pants. His chest felt too tight. “Odin had told me on several other occasions to keep Fenris under better control, and that time was one slip too much. He had him killed the next day.”

Stark didn't say anything. He pressed himself against Loki's side, though, and only now Loki noticed that his control had slipped again – his end of the bond wasn't barred anymore, and apparently it was enough for Stark to use their link and get through to him. Loki doubted that the human was doing it deliberately, maybe he wasn't even aware he was doing it, but Loki could feel Stark's presence in his own mind clearly.

It helped.

Loki turned his head and looked at Stark, who returned his gaze steadily. There was fury in his familiar's brown eyes, and maybe Loki would have smiled if he hadn't been hurting so much.

“Thor was still upset about that a century later”, he forced himself to continue. “He thought it was his fault, because Tyr had been his friend. Then, on a trip to Alfheim with his friends, he was bitten by a snake. The poison paralyzed his leg up until his thigh, but it wore off after a few hours. He had caught the snake, and brought him back to Asgard for me. He'd named him Jormungandr.”

Loki paused and yanked his eyes away from Stark's face, speaking quietly. “I called him Jor, later. I didn't even want him, at first, but I could hardly leave him in Thor's care. Jor was still very young, then, and I feared Thor might forget to feed him. So I kept him, and turned him into my familiar a few decades later.” Loki grit his teeth, his nails starting to dig into his thighs. “He grew slowly, but steadily. Neither Thor nor me had known how big he would get, but two centuries later I couldn't even lift him anymore. I obeyed when Odin said Jor couldn't stay in the palace anymore and took him to Asgard's sea, where he lived for a while. But soon he grew too big for that, too, and started to sink or ships. Odin banished him to Midgard, then, and refused to let me visit him.

“I lost him”, Loki said, so quiet that he wondered if Stark could even hear him. “Odin cut our bond. Jor was always there, at the back of my mind, for  _centuries_ , and Odin  _cut_  it. You cannot imagine the pain of that.” Loki took a quivering breath, but no air found its way into his lungs. “I came looking for Jor, anyway. As soon as I could, I came, but he -”, another gasp for breath, “I didn't find him. He isn't on Midgard anymore. Maybe Odin saw to it that he was brought somewhere else, or maybe he killed him, too, I cannot tell. I can't find him. I  _lost_  him. Lost them both. I shouldn't – should never have let that happen.”

“Loki”, Stark said, using the chance when Loki stopped speaking to fight for some air. His tone was low and urgent, his hand tightly squeezing Loki's shoulder. “It's not your fault. You hear me, love? Please don't – don't blame yourself, okay? It's -”

But Loki shook his head and interrupted Stark, his voice a little bit more controlled. “There is a way to separate a familiar from their mage. Forever. Odin knows it, but I – I do not. And I will not try to learn it.” He searched Stark's eyes, one hand finding the human's own where it was still grasping Loki's shoulder. “I would do anything for you. But not that. Never that.”

“I don't want you to”, Stark said immediately, shifting even closer. “I'll never want that.”

“Odin might try it”, Loki said, the mere thought enough to make him sick. “When he gets to know what I did, he will -”

“Hey”, Stark cut him off, shaking his head. “No. That's not going to happen.”

Loki had rarely seen Stark so determinate, and the sight rendered him speechless for a moment. The man had threatened him before, of course; during the battle in which they had fought as enemies. It seemed to be a million years ago. But not even Stark's attitude back then could compare to the look of furious passion Loki could now see in his eyes.  
  
"I'm here", Stark stated, "and I'm not going anywhere. No one's gonna take me away from you." One corner of his familiar's curled into a smile. "And if anyone tries, we'll make them regret it."  
  
Loki found himself unable to react for a moment. He wasn't sure where this sudden turn was coming from - he remembered Stark's reaction eight days ago all too clearly; it had been fairly obvious that he hadn't liked the prospect of being bonded to Loki that much. But here he was, taking Loki's side against _everyone_ , speaking as if they were a team that couldn't possibly be parted. And he was being truthful; he wasn't lying or pretending, and maybe that was the most wondrous thing of all.  
  
Loki couldn't tell what exactly had brought about that change, but he certainly wasn't going to complain.  
  
Instead, he mirrored his familiar's impression and nodded. He lifted the hand he was still holding to his lips, pressing a kiss to the palm.  
  
Tony let it happen.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, here's the end. I hope you like it. <3

At two am, Tony knocked at Loki's bedroom door.

Well, at the frame of his bedroom door, because it was already open. It always was, since Ylvie seemed to have an aversion for closed doors. As soon as he heard the knock, Loki was wide awake and sat up in bed; he hadn't really slept in the first place, actually. They had parted only two or three hours ago, after eating dinner together and watching a movie they both hadn't found particularly interesting. It had been clear that Tony hadn't wanted to leave, and also that Loki hadn't wanted him to leave, but in the end Tony had left, anyway. Loki had been so exhausted that he'd gone straight to bed, where he had been lying awake the whole time. Maybe it had been similar for Tony, who was now indeed standing in the entrance to Loki's bedroom.

“Loki?”, came a tentative whisper. “You're awake, aren't you?”

“Yes”, Loki answered just as quietly. “Come in.”

He could make out Tony's silhouette as the man slipped into the room, leaving the door open behind him. He was immediately worried – and slightly nervous, since Tony had never come to in his bedroom before, let alone in the middle of the night.

“I can't see shit”, Tony announced with a nervous chuckle, and after a moment of confusion Loki moved and turned on the bedside lamp.

He was rewarded with the sight of a completely disarrayed Tony Stark – nothing unusual, per se. He'd seen the man working in his lab, in dirty clothes and unwashed; a sharp contrast to the midgardian formal gear Tony wore now and then. Both was quite lovely to look at, Loki found, but he had to admit that seeing Tony dressed in sleep wear wasn't that bad, either. The human looked as if he'd already been in bed, with his hair standing up from his head in odd places and loose pants hanging low on his hips. Through the shirt he was wearing Loki could see the faint glow of the arc reactor.

“I, uh, couldn't sleep”, Tony said, and Loki's eyes guiltily darted back to the inventor's face.

“Me neither”, Loki said, even though that had to be fairly obvious.

Tony's unusually sheepish grin was clearly visible in the dim light of the bedside lamp. He shuffled his bare feet, not quite meeting Loki's eyes. “I thought maybe I could, er... Just – I think I'd sleep better if I could -”

“You want to sleep here?”, Loki cut in, speaking without thinking as soon as he understood what the human was getting at.

“Yes?” Tony began fumbling with the fabric of his pants. “I mean, only if that's alright with you? It's fine if it isn't, I'll just, uh -”

“No”, Loki hurried to say, afraid Tony might leave the room again. “No, you can stay. Of course you can stay.”

Tony let out a relieved breath. “Okay. Good. Erm.”

They stared at each other for a moment.

Then, Tony huffed a laugh and came over to Loki, sitting down on the foot of the bed. Loki made sure to get his legs out of the way when Tony made himself comfortable, one leg folded under him. Neither of them made any move to lie down, even though Tony looked as tired as Loki felt – the last days had been arduous, both for his familiar and him. And by the looks of him, Tony hadn't slept much better than Loki, although he needed the rest after his accident.

“Your... your legs have healed?”, Loki asked, mostly because he didn't know what else to say.

“Yeah”, Tony nodded, wiggling his toes. “Everything's fine with them. Rips are bothering me a bit, but that's okay.”

Loki's eyes flickered over his familiar's frame, but Tony didn't show any signs of pain. He knew by experience that Tony wasn't always regardful of his body and its needs, though, and that the Midgardian had mastered the dubious art of simply ignoring any pain until it passed on its own.

“I'm afraid I couldn't take care of all your injuries”, Loki said, silently chiding himself. “I am no healer, but if you are hurting I can -”

“It's fine, don't worry”, Tony interrupted him, tony light and gentle. “I'm still alive and kicking thanks to you. The rest of me will be okay in a few days, too.” He nudged Loki's leg with his feet. “But thank you.”

“You should sleep”, Loki suggested, still skeptical. “Your body will heal a bit faster now, I assume, but it cannot do that if you don't let it rest.”

“That sounded very adultish now, Lokes”, Tony teased, smiling.

“Well, one of us has to be the responsible one.”

“And that's certainly not you.”

“I am a thousand years older than you, Tony.”

“Yeah, and you still laugh your ass off every time you dye Steve's uniform pink”, Tony countered, his grin wide and bright.

Loki hid his amusement and frowned, feigning offence. “I am just introducing him to different color schemes. He is quite unvaried in that regard.”

“Honey, we're superheroes. Unvaried color schemes were in the job descriptions.” Loki gave a heartfelt sigh, causing Tony to add, “besides, I think I haven't ever seen you in anything other than green or black.”

“I do wear gold, sometimes.”

Tony snorted, and Loki grinned at him. The human averted his eyes after a second, picking an imaginative lint from his pants. Loki watched, waiting for his familiar to tell him what he obviously hesitated to say.

“I'm sorry I scared you”, Tony told him eventually, a thoughtful crease between his eyes. He glanced at Loki, who just stared blankly at him. “My crash? I'd have died without you. I almost died even though you were there. I know you'd be upset.”

“I would be much more than just _upset_ if you died, Tony”, Loki said, unable to not tell his familiar that.

“Yeah, I know.” Tony lifted his shoulders. “I mean, I'd be, too. If something happened to you.”

“You would?” Loki was nonplussed, even though he really shouldn't be. The bond went both ways, after all.

“Of course”, Tony said immediately, looking into Loki's eyes again. “You know, I... I think I didn't really get that straight the other day. We... We _are_ friends. You know that, right?”

That hurt, but only a little. Loki hid it well. “Certainly.”

“Good. I'm still sorry, though.”

“You don't have to be”, Loki replied, smirking. “I think danger and injuries were in the job description, too.”

That made Tony's grin come back. Good. Loki returned it.

“You should be there, you know”, Tony said then.

“Where?”

“At our next fight.”

“Why?”, Loki asked, arching a brow. “Are you planning to get yourself nearly killed again?”

“No, I'm planning to make you a part of the team”, Tony said, and laughed about Loki's scowl. “Don't look at me like that, I mean it.”

“I have no desire to be an Avenger, Tony.”

“Oh, you did avenge me really good, though.” Tony's grin widened. “I know you shot at least a dozen of Doom's bots out of the sky before we left.” Loki glared at him, but Tony just shrugged it off. “Your magic's awesome. We could use something like that.”

“Oh, yes. I am sure your friends would love to have me in their _team_.” Loki shook his head. “They expect me to fight against them, not with them.”

“We could change that”, Tony replied lightly. “I mean they're gonna have to accept our – well, you know, _us_. They have to accept that, anyway. It'd be easier if they -”

“Liked me?”

“Knew you aren't planning to take over the world”, Tony corrected, rolling his eyes. “Making them believe that won't be easy.”

“What about you?”

“Huh?”

“Do you believe I want to take over your world?”

Tony snorted. “No.”

“Then let them think what they want. I do not care about them.”

Tony sighed and leaned forward a little, steadily holding Loki's gaze. “I'm not asking you to play chess with Bruce or watch movies with Steve, okay? You don't even need to stop pranking the whole damn city. I just... They are my friends, too. And I don't want to hide this.”

Loki looked at his familiar closely. He had known this would be an important matter to him, but he had hoped they could keep the Avengers out of this. A delusion, probably. He would doubtlessly have to deal with Thor, who wouldn't be all too happy about what Loki had done, and maybe even with Odin, who would forget what the word 'happy' meant when he heard about this. But those were Loki's problems, just like the Avengers were Tony's.

Only that it wasn't as simple as that anymore.

“Fine”, Loki conceded eventually, voice grim.

“Fine? So you'll fight with us?”

“With _you_. And only against something fun – Doom's bots are too dull.”

“Okay, first lesson in how-to-become-friends-with-the-Avengers: Don't call enemies 'fun'.”

“But enemies are supposed to be fun. _I_ was fun, at least.”

“No, you were a pain in the ass.”

Loki wondered if he should be insulted by that, but decided against it. Tony was grinning at him, so obviously pleased, and Loki knew that he had put Loki's past behind himself. They had talked about that, once or twice, especially in the beginning of what was apparently a _friendship._ And so Loki just rolled his eyes at Tony's quip, not quite managing to hide his smirk.

“But do not expect me to socialize with them”, he said, knowing that he didn't sound as stern as he wanted.

“As I said, absolutely no socializing needed”, Tony assured. His grin turned into a soft smile that made it strangely hard to breathe. “Thank you, Loki. That means a lot to me.”

“I cannot promise you anything. I doubt they will ever... accept me.”

Tony shrugged. “Look, I don't really care what they think about this. They can deal. I just don't want you to bust each other's heads or something. And I think we can manage that.” He made a face. “Okay, I don't know about Thor, to be honest. He likes busting heads, now and then.”

“He will think I compromised you”, Loki mused, inclining his head. “But if we convince him that that is not the case, he will help us.”

“You think?”

Loki nodded and hummed. “I will talk to him and see what I can do.”

“ _We_ will talk to him”, Tony amended, and his decisive tone made Loki smile.

“Good. But for now, shall we...” Loki trailed off, trying to find a way to end the sentence that didn't sound like an innuendo.

“Go to bed?”, Tony asked with a grin, his tone low.

Well, there was that.

“Yes”, Loki said and rolled his eyes. Knowing that Tony didn't really mean it, he didn't even blush.

Tony still seemed to notice he'd managed to make Loki slightly uncomfortable, because the cocky demeanor fell off him in a matter of seconds. “Is it – is it really okay if I stay here?”

“Of course it is.”

“It isn't weird or anything?”

“No.” Loki moved to one side of the bed and laid down, indicating Tony to do the same. After a moment of hesitation, Tony did, crawling under the covers. He laid down facing Loki, while the god stayed on his back. He reached over and turned off the bedside lamp.

It wasn't weird. Unbelievably distracting, yes, but not weird. Knowing Tony would be only inches away from him when they slept was a comforting thought, and slowly Loki found himself relaxing. He tried not to think about what else they could do in bed – and he could think of a lot, mind you – and closed his eyes, listening as Tony let out a relieved sigh.

“This is so much better”, the human murmured. “Now I know why I had even more trouble sleeping the last months. By the way, I kick around in sleep sometimes. Also I tend to hoard the blankets. And -”

“You talk in your sleep?”

“No”, Tony said, snorting. “I do scream sometimes, though.”

Loki opened his eyes again to look at Tony. He couldn't see much in the darkness, although it was slightly lightened by the device in the human's chest. And he could still see more than Tony, probably. “Me too.”

“Okay”, Tony said, letting out a breath he'd apparently been holding. “That's okay.”

Loki nodded, even though he wasn't sure if Tony could even see that. But he didn't say anything else for a while, so he probably had. Loki spent a few minutes looking at the man next to him and trying to figure out what was going on in his familiar's head, like he did so often. It was starting to get a little bit frustrating – with Fen and Jor, he'd always been able to tell what they were thinking. He had never hesitated to use their bond to find it out, either. But with Tony, he didn't dare to do that. He didn't want to overstep – it was going so _well_ – and he knew that Tony didn't particularly like the idea of someone else having access to his thoughts and feelings.

“Hey, Loki?”, Tony asked suddenly, breaking the silence.

“Yes?”

“Is it always like that?”

“Be a little more specific, please.”

There was a pause, in which he could positively hear Tony thinking. “Like, sleeping in the same bed”, he said then, “is that normal?”

“In the first year, certainly”, Loki answered, keeping his tone factual. “Closeness is vital, for a bond like this. It thrives on it and needs it to grow. Some pairs can barely be separated in the first time, so no, sleeping in the same bed is nothing unusual at all.” Loki hesitated before he added, “most keep it like that after the bond has solidified, too.”

Tony seemed to think about that for a moment. “Even when the familiar isn't, you know – an animal?”

“I'm not sure”, Loki admitted. “I... do not know anyone else whose familiar is a person. I have read about some elves who have other elves as familiars, but apart from that...”

“Huh. So we're special.”

“Yes, very.”

(Loki didn't tell Tony _what_ he had read about those elves, but he should. Hel, he should.)

Tony stifled a yawn, but was apparently unable or unwilling to hold back his curiosity. “Is it different?”

“I think so, yes. You are... slightly more defined.”

Tony hummed. “I've no idea what you mean by that.”

“It is difficult to explain”, Loki said slowly, biting his lip. “You feel different than Fenris and Jor. I assume that you are more similar to me in your way of thinking and feeling, just in aspects of psychology.”

“That makes sense, I guess”, Tony replied, but it sounded oddly absent. Loki let him think, and waited until Tony asked, “so, what happens after that first year?”

Loki swallowed, willing himself to not get nervous just yet. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, when the – the bond doesn't need us to be close anymore, will we... Will we go back to seeing each other only every few weeks or so?”

There was a bitter note in his familiar's tone, and Loki found himself scared, suddenly. (He had thought this was going well!) He forced himself to stay calm, remembering the promise Tony had made earlier that night. _No one's gonna take me away from you_ , he had said, and it had sounded like he wanted to stay. With Loki. But should that not be what he wanted, then Loki could hardly hold him back. Because he _would_ do anything for the man, and spending years and years alone was better than yet another shattered bond.

“Is that what you want?”, he asked eventually, when he trusted himself to speak without a quiver in his voice.

“I'm asking you what you want”, came Tony's resigned reply.

Loki opened his mouth, and closed it again, and then shook his head. “No”, he managed, “I do not want that. I will never want that.”

Tony stayed silent for a long time. “'Kay”, he said then, sounding miserable.

Loki rolled onto his side, facing his familiar. “Tony”, he urged, but kept his tone calm, “is there something wrong?”

“It's nothing”, Tony said immediately, shifting to lie on his back.

Loki waited, but Tony didn't say anything else, so he spoke up again, propping himself on one elbow. “If staying with me is not what you want, you do not have to. Not on my account. If you are staying solely because -”

“Oh, come on, Lokes. I'm not doing this because of pity, and you know it.”

Loki sat up. “Why are you doing this, then?”

Tony sighed, but didn't reply for a moment. Loki used his magic to make light; he wanted to be able to see Tony. The inventor had seen this spell before – he called it Loki's “magic green flashlight” –, so he wasn't even distracted by it.

“I wish you had told me earlier”, Tony said in a small voice.

Loki narrowed his eyes, getting a little impatient. His voice was a bit sharper than necessary when he said, “I know. I should have. And I am sorry.”

“I get why you didn't”, Tony responded, sounding fairly uncomfortable now himself. “I just – I wish I'd known. Then I wouldn't have spent those months thinking -”

He cut himself off, and Loki blinked. “Thinking what?”

Tony didn't answer, just stared at the ceiling with a frown and clenched teeth, and Loki's thoughts went reeling. Something occurred to him, but he shooed the thought away before he dived too deep into it, knowing that he couldn't be _sure_ yet. “Tony?”, he prompted, hoping that the human would come out with the truth, however pleasant or painful it might be.

“Can't you just look into my head or something?”, Tony asked tiredly, still not looking at him.

“I could”, Loki said slowly. “But you never... It never seemed like you wanted me to.”

“Yeah.” Tony took a breath that sounded like he needed to force the air in. “Yeah, right. Please keep out.”

“Of course”, Loki agreed at once, even though that hurt, too. And then he waited.

An eternity passed, but eventually Tony spoke. He did so quietly, with a voice that swayed between bitter and sad. “You know what I thought when you came up with Ylvie that day? I thought you came down because you wanted to. Just that. I mean, you just got a new pet, and getting a new pet is exciting, so I thought you... wanted to share that with me? I don't know.” Tony made a sound that seemed to be a laugh, even though it was the briefest and most joyless thing Loki had ever heard. “And then you kept coming up, and when I visited you invited me to stay longer. It was as if you – as if you liked that. Spending time with me. You acted like you did.”

Loki frowned, not quite sure if he understood correctly. “Tony -”

“No, it's okay. I get it. You'd made me your familiar, and you had to... be fine with that. You had to spend time with me, because you can't get rid of me, anyway. You could have told me, though. You didn't need to pretend anything.”

“Tony”, Loki said before the inventor could continue, “what in Ymir's name are you talking about?”

“It's stupid.” Tony sounded as if he agreed with something Loki had said. He lifted a hand to rub his eyes. “Sorry, I shouldn't – I know it's not fair. Maybe it's not even _real_ , I honestly can't tell.”

Loki stared at his familiar. Slowly, Tony's meaning dawned on him, and he still couldn't do anything but stare and shake his head. _Love_ , Tony had called him, just a few hours ago. He probably didn't think Loki had heard it, but he had. He'd been fairly out of his mind, but _that_ he had noticed. He'd thought it was a slip, that Tony hadn't really meant it, but apparently that wasn't the case.

“You are thinking”, he said eventually, “that I only spend time with you because I have to. And that I only pretend to like you. Yes?”

“No! I know you like me, that you care for me, I _know_ that. But you don't – we aren't, you know, _together_. And really, it's fine, I -”

“You truly are a fool”, Loki hissed, and laid his hand on Tony's chest, right beneath the arc reactor. “Here. Do you feel that?”

Tony propped himself up on his elbows, his breath hitching. “I – yes? What -”

“My magic. Inside you. You still do not understand what that means, do you?” Loki let a few more threads of magic sink through Tony's skin, wanting his familiar to really feel it. He was satisfied when Tony's eyes went round, flickering between his chest and Loki's face. “Do you really think my magic would willingly _be_ in someone if I didn't enjoy spending time with them? If I didn't love them?”

The brown eyes widened even more at that. Loki held their gaze, even though his heart was beating too fast and he had to keep his hands from trembling. Tony seemed to need a moment to process Loki's words, but then he weakly protested, “but you – you keep saying it was an accident.”

“It was”, Loki said, keeping his hand where it was. He quite enjoyed the feel of their magic swirling beneath his fingers. It distracted him from the fact that he absolutely lacked the courage for what he needed to say. He needed to be honest, which had never been one of his strengths, but he needed Tony to _know_. “I hadn't planned to do it. But if I had not wanted it, or hadn't been _able_ to want it, it would not have happened.”

“But the – the bond, it's messing with my thoughts, I don't even -”

“The bond is not messing with your thoughts, Tony.” Loki shook his head, fingers grasping Tony's shirt. “It causes you to desire to be near me, yes, but it doesn't force you to _love_ me. No spell can do that.”

Loki took his hand off the human's chest, and Tony sat up, his hand rubbing over his shirt where Loki had touched him. He was still staring at the god with wide eyes, a look in them that Loki couldn't interpret. “So you – I mean, what I'm feeling, that's -”

“Your own”, Loki said insistently. “Entirely your own.”

Tony just kept staring, and Loki found himself unable to stay silent. He needed Tony to understand this; he couldn't possible have his familiar believe that Loki was forcing him to feel or do _anything._

“The magic I used to cast this spell is the oldest and most powerful force in existence. And it _chose_ you.” Loki licked his lips, eyes darting down to Tony's chest again because he didn't manage to look into Tony's any longer. “We both had no choice in that, and maybe it was not what we wanted, but it happened for a reason. And I -” Loki broke off, and forced himself to meet Tony's eyes again. “And I love you, Tony. Not because you are my familiar. Because you are _you._ ”

Tony still didn't say anything. He looked absolutely stunned, the green glow of Loki's light casting shadows on his face, and all at once Loki wished he'd just kept his mouth shut. He swallowed and looked down, his face growing warm with a blush, and suddenly -

Suddenly Tony's lips were on his.

Loki immediately pulled back, a sound of surprise escaping his throat. He gaped at Tony, whose wide brown eyes stared back at him, and as soon as Loki understood what Tony had _done_ , he couldn't do anything else but lean in again. Tony returned the kiss at once, his lips parting with a relieved breath that might have been a chuckle. They were soft and pliant against Loki's own, but their movements somehow not as gentle as Loki would have expected. He wondered how long Tony had waited for this to happen, but not for very long, because soon thinking became irrelevant. His hands came up to cup the Tony's face, and they kissed – and kissed, and kissed.

Until a soft mewl made them both flinch and break away. Loki sighed when he saw Ylvie sitting on the bed with them, whining because she couldn't reach the glowing green light hovering over the bed. Tony chuckled, and Loki looked back and smiled at him.

“This cat has the worst timing I can imagine”, he murmured, touching his forehead to his familiar's.

“She's a cat, what did you expect?” One of Tony's hands started playing with Loki's tousled hair. “No matter. We've got time.”

Loki hummed and nodded, smiling against Tony's lips when he was kissed again, a bit more chastely this time. Ylvie started complaining again, and Tony pulled away and laughed, looking at Ylvie with glee dancing in his eyes.

“Come on, Lokes, don't be mean.”

“She cannot play with it, anyway”, Loki said, but he gave in and let the magic light sink with a flick of his wrist. He rolled his eyes when Ylvie directly jumped into it, mewling when the light flickered out as soon as it was touched. It made Tony laugh again, and Loki leaned in to press a kiss to his familiar's temple. He wasn't sure if Tony noticed it, but he was opening up a little, positively inviting Loki to take the tiniest look at his thoughts and feelings. Loki still held back, not wanting to use their bond without Tony's explicit permission, but he picked up enough to know that Tony was utterly exhausted, and deeply happy.

They soon lied down, then, content with still hesitant touches and already sleepy kisses while they tried to keep Ylvie from attacking their bare feet under the covers. Loki woke up around noon the next day, with Tony draped over him, snoring slightly, and their cat sleeping at their feet.

No one was going to take this away from him.

 

 

"I don't have a choice, but I still choose you."

Poison & Wine, by The Civil Wars

 

**Author's Note:**

> [My tumblr :)](https://amidnight--dreary.tumblr.com/)


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